where are we? what the hell? is going on? the dust has only just begun to fall...

Mmmm, whatcha say,
Mmm, that you only meant well?
well of course you did...
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is...
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm, that it's just what we need
you decided this...
Whatcha say?
Mmmm, what did she say?

-Imogen Heap

Did Imogen Heap have a weird prophesy moment seeing into the life of insignificant me in small town Kansas in 2010 when she wrote this?

I reckon it might be time for the tables to be turned and for me to do some 'honest' sharing. Oh, of course for the good of people. Here, can we have a meeting and please, let me tell you what I see going on in your life and how you are disrupting MY lovely controlled existence...oh, of course, it's only for your own good. To help you grow as a person. Or maybe I'll come out with my guns blazing and dump my load on you and man, I 'll feel so much better afterwards. Will you feel better? Oh, hang on, that doesn't matter. I am the only one who knows and sees truth...Oh, I feel so good now. Do you want to have a coffee? Gosh, I haven't felt this good since last time I told someone the truth. I must do it more often.

jail and beauty

I got the email that could I please lead the three jail services on my own on Thursday night? I opened my eyes wide at the daunting and imminent sick feeling that started swirling in my stomach. I just play the guitar and sing. I don't 'preach' or 'teach'. Bloody hell. So of course I said, sure, why not?

The whole day I was asking Jesus what I should tell His precious sons and daughters...so of course I fell back on the old standard, 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader'. I bet you would be hard pressed to find a more theologically interesting book as that one (or all of the Chronicles now I think about it...). I spoke to the mens groups about Eustace becoming a dragon and then meeting up with the ever lovely and divine and frightening Aslan and Aslan telling Eustace to 'undress', to take off his terribly constricting dragon skin...but of course Eustace couldn't do it himself, it was only Aslan who could perfectly transform his dragon-ness to proper and complete boy-ness. So I yakked about that. The guys seemed pretty receptive to it and after one group, there was extended conversation about their own thoughts on the passage.

I talked to the group of women about the loveliness that is, Jesus loves broken women. I read out Luke 7:36 and John 8:1-11. Go and have a look. Truly beautiful stuff. I felt so strongly about what I was telling them, I had to try not to cry as I read Jesus' words to Simon the Pharisee. Usually I want to have a bit of a joke but I felt the Holy Spirit so strongly, URGING these women to see and know how beautiful and utterly precious they are to Him, this was serious stuff.

But I have to tell you about the music time.

The last group was a group of guys that I have come to recognise and have some jokes with. Some are showoffs, some are tattooed and shaved heads, some are weird looking and silent, some don't stop talking. As I was kinda closing the end of the service, one guy says to me, 'Hey, why didn't you do the last song?' I said that I hadn't practiced it properly and I didn't want to do it and then another one says quietly, 'Could we do the Revelation Song?' and of course, that's one of my favourites at the moment, I HAD to teach it to them about 4 weeks ago and then someone says, 'I can't get that out of my head' and another says he has been singing it for the last week or so...so I start in and they all suddenly stood up - they have all sat previously - but they all stood up and I started singing and I had my eyes closed (I never want them to feel self conscious about however they want to respond to worship music) and then I hear their voices getting louder and louder, singing, 'Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come, with all creation I sing, praise to the King of kings, you are my everything and I will adore you...', I don't remember the last time I have had such an experience of such stunning and sublime beauty in a corporate worship setting. Hearing these inmates raise their glorious voices and having them echoing all around the gymnasium, was...I can't find the right or strong enough word. It was beautiful. How blessed I am to have experienced Jesus that night with those gorgeous sons of God.

I am really, really thankful.

hooray for new weather and new happiness.

well, after that last sad bit of a post, things have decided to look up just a wee bit. and I am so thankful. not that really anything has changed with regard to circumstances but i think that Jesus is giving me a tiredness of wanting to feel grumpy and ungracious and i kinda have started to feel more invigorated by warm feelings of hope-full-ness. i am learning that one has a much better time when one is filled with joy as opposed to mean, thin-lipped grouchiness.

i saw a recipe that made me feel really happy...it's over there to the right in the sidebar > and it's for pumpkin butter roll up things..and the website is TOO bloody cute. scrumdilly-do! that's what it's called...anyways, try that sucker out!

thanksgiving is just three days away and i just want to bake! I think i may try my first banoffee pie (it will always remind me of the ever lovely Liz Baynes - she bought a slice in a little cafe in Christchurch and I was a bit nervous about the banana factor but shucks, it was fabulous!) and also lots of pumpy-pumpkin thingys. I bought a HUGE sack of flour yesterday in hopes of domestic goddessing this season.

who is making what over this coming feasting season?

tell me if you know of any deliciously crafty blogs that you love okay?

over and bloody well out.
janey.
x

sheesh

Life is often shitty. You know that weird and random and anonymous saying that goes like this,

'My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me
I may but choose the colours,
He worketh steadily.
Full oft He weaveth sorrow
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.'

For someone who loves thread and knitting and sewing blah blah blah, it's appealing to me. But sometimes, honestly, the 'underside' is just a drab and dreary and terrible side to be looking from. It includes, foodstamps, living significantly below the federal poverty line, sleeping in a laundry, the scourge of cancer, being thrust into a swirling maelstrom of church politics and feminism and being the terrible liberal, and pretty much being on the other side of the world from my family.

So I am waiting, not very patiently, for life to become nice. And easy. And filled with the hope of impending Christmas presents.

Love
Jane.
xx

i need to get moving

My creative juices have all but dried out in this current climate of stress and of us living in the laundry. But then I went to a friend's house (thank you Beth Buerge) and she is so highly motivated it's fantastic. She is selling gorgeous felt brooches and is making scarves and she has two kids...I thought, dammit! I can do this too!

So I came home and tidied up my house cos it was filth and I got over the fact that I don't own my own house (yet...) and just made this one as beautiful as I could. It's so much more relaxing to be in one's home when there is order and no clutter. I never thought I would ever say that.

But anyways, as soon as I get my hands on a bloody sewing machine, I am gonna get stuck in already. I can't tell you what I am gonna make cos I heard somewhere that when somebody tells people their main goal/s, it's like they have already got a bit of the satisfaction of actually doing so then there isn't as much motivation. I totally believe that you know? So I'm-a gonna keep it on the ole down low...

lovies lovies
jane.
xx

here's an interesting tidbit - 'you don't have to be pretty'

http://www.dressaday.com/2006/10/you-dont-have-to-be-pretty.html
Just a bit of cute little truth that we all need to hear every once in a while...(thanks alterKNITive) ;)

Somehow...

Somehow, when I started this blog, I thought I would be writing about knitting and sewing and pottery and art and my funny preschool boys and I'd put pictures of things around my house and I'd talk about gorgeous fabric that I might drool over but hang on....suddenly it has turned into an egalitarian-loving, Jesus-adoring, feminist yak! Yikes!

But you know? I kinda like that. I wanna mix this sucker up and get some answers to tricky questions and try to 'seek to understand rather than being understood' in the midst of it all.

I am ready for the ride.

Jane.
xx

Are you even kidding me?

Somehow, my last HUGE blog got deleted?!!! Is there a chauvinist virus that is attacking my feminist sensibilities? ;)

Flip!

So I was starting to feel like a bit of a loser regarding how I passionately believe that women have just as much calling and equality in the Kingdom of God as men...I just thought, shoot...am I the only one that feels like this?
And then...da da da da da da dahhhhhh, along comes http://www.cbeinternational.org/ ...Christians for Biblical Equality. I felt SO good to see that here was an amazing group of people who realise that keeping women subservient, cramped in their God given giftings, not allowing women to have leadership roles in the Church and their families, was oppressive and unjust.
'Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) is a nonprofit organization of Christian men and women who believe that the Bible, properly interpreted, teaches the fundamental equality of men and women of all ethnic groups, all economic classes, and all age groups, based on the teachings of Scriptures such as Galatians 3:28:
“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (TNIV).
CBE recognizes that injustice is an abuse of power, taking from others what God has given them: their dignity, their freedom, their resources, and even their very lives. CBE also recognizes that prohibiting individuals from exercising their God-given gifts to further his kingdom constitutes injustice in a form that impoverishes the body of Christ and its ministry in the world at large. CBE accepts the call to be part of God’s mission in opposing injustice as required in Scriptures such as Micah 6:8.'
I love this. But I want to be a gracious bringer of this truth to people who are still clinging to the traditional roles the Church still imposes upon women. So in this pursuit of Truth and Justice, I want to be kind and understanding to people who have different ideas than me.
Love,
Jane.

Fascinating Womanhood

So here is my second blog in five minutes. I had to get this out!

I just started reading a book that a lot of women around here are loving. It's called Fascinating Womanhood. Interesting title, I like the word fascinating. However, I have become fascinated for all the reasons the author, Helen Andelin, probably didn't intend.

The basic premise is 'How the Ideal Woman Awakens A Man's Deepest Love and Tenderness'. Hmmm, well that would be awesome. The ideal woman? Let's have a read I thought.

The first thing that struck me was a personal testimony during an initial flip-through was on page 317 of the May 2007 edition. A woman is recounting her marriage relationship before reading the book on F.W. Describing her husband she says this, 'When he was home he was always drinking, yelling, and slapping me around...I feared him and almost hated him...I felt helpless...where had things gone wrong?' Then she read the book and realised, 'All this time I had blamed my husband for our bad marriage. How wrong was I! Bit by bit I started to change, I bought new feminine dresses in soft colours with full skirts, let my nails grow and put a permanent in my hair....I did these and much more, trying to show him in all ways, at all times, that I accept him as he is, a man and leader.'

Well, sheesh, it doesn't say if he stopped beating her or not but at least she had nice pretty skirts and long nails. Where do you even start with this kind of writing? In New Zealand, women are murdered regularly at the hands of their spouses and to have these kind of dangerous ideas floating around in the church is absolutely reprehensible!!! That it is the woman's fault that her husband is an alcoholic abuser? A woman has the absolute right to feel safe in her own home, regardless of what the hell she is wearing!

The book had me laughing almost to the point of tears where it stated that, 'Women need protection from work that is not appropriate for the feminie sex, such as driving a truck, construction work, road work or anything greasy or masculine. Some types of office work are inappropriate, such as executive jobs, management positions, police work or top political posts.' (p. 164) ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

I wouldn't really pay this book any other attention other than the fact that this is being read by many, many women around here!

You want a Godly, fascinating womanhood? Proverbs 31 is a much better outline for a strong woman.

Ahhh, that's my rant for the day.

Love
Jane.

new prettier blog space...although i am still trying at changing the template..

Hi friends,

Thanks for your comments on the other blog at wordpress which i probably won't be using anymore. This will be my proper one now.

Okay, so jail...I went to jail last Thursday. Ha ha. No, I really did.

I feel like out of nowhere, all these books about prison and jail kept appearing on my knee and I just had to keep reading them and I learnt more and more about the prison and jail population in the USA and how it's like they are North America's 'untouchable' caste. Prisoners have very few rights, have no power and are at the mercy of the system and whatever guards might be there to be 'caretakers'.
Yeah, they committed a crime and consequences need to be enforced but when you learn about the dysfunction of childhood that is a pretty constant theme in prisoners' lives, you can't help but think of a certain Grace that longs to start working in these precious people's lives.

The difference between jail and prison here in the US is that prison is where you spend your sentence if it's lengthy enough and jail is a place where you go if you are in a pretrial phase or if your sentence is really short - say 60-90 days - it's just easier to spend it in jail.

I contacted the County Jail and they have let me in on chapel services as the worship leader. It was my first week last week and it was great.

So that's that news. I will keep you updated.

Love Jane.